How to Maintain A Healthy Secure Love in 2025?

Maintaining and sustaining a healthy romantic love involves intentional effort and mutual commitment from my experience and professional observations as a couples therapist. Recent research and expert insights highlight several key strategies for couples aiming to nurture a long lasting secure relationship that fulfills trust, purpose and passion, as well as family connection and continuity of rituals for fun throughout life’s transitions and I want to share them with you! These recommendations are based on qualitative research and meta-analysis from top relationship researchers and mentors in the field. Communication is always the answer, when its off go inward and connect authentically first with self, and then with others once regulated.

Maintaining security in Long Lasting

relationships INVOLVES 6 Crucial steps :

1. Open Communication About Mental Health

Discussing mental health openly is increasingly recognized as a positive aspect in relationships. A recent survey revealed that 75% of individuals view conversations about mental health as a "green flag" in a romantic interest. Such discussions can build trust and deepen connections between partners. The Gottmans’ recommend to have a “State of the Union” meeting where you ask your partner - How are you REALLY doing, for an intimate partner connection verses a family or friend. While checking in on the dynamics of the relationship- how have I been to you and how have you been to me conversations can be very challenging if there is not shared equitable work distribution from both eyes of the relationship. This builds intimacy, emotional awareness, and intentionality which is important in a hyper unaware world. Sometimes this can be the hardest step, looking someone every week and honestly reporting back how they are doing from their perspective and how they could improve. This question is So powerful!

2. Regular Relationship Check-Ins

Relationship experts recommend that couples periodically evaluate their relationships to ensure mutual growth. Are we both contributing to this relationship? How does that feel? How are we feeling so far this week, how can I support you, how can we meaningfully connect? This in the Gottman Method world is called the Executive Meeting or State of the Union Reflecting on memorable moments, handling challenges together, and repairing or rectifying any hiccups or missteps throughout life’s journey. This builds trust and safety, strengthening emotional bonds and promoting a deeper connection.

3. Incorporating Humor

Engaging in positive humor, including jokes about your shared experiences, can enhance relationship satisfaction. Please hear me clearly, do not be sarcastic towards yourself or your partner, no passive comments on body, sex, feelings of failure, or things that could cause shame for your partner, but good old fashioned humor and connection is the BEST BEST BEST MEDICINE to allow integration of differences. We can all laugh about something in the past and not feel so emotional about it like we did in the moment as we have incorporated a new narrative of humor or pride in it being something to laugh about and live through. A study found that couples who share humor tend to experience greater comfort, enjoyment, and closeness in their relationships- therefore find humor but not at each other’s expense!

4. Understanding Personality Dynamics

Gaining insights into each other's personality traits, such as through therapy or reading or exploring -Human Design, Enneagram system, Myers Briggs, Strengthsfinder, Astrology, Numerology, can improve communication and reduce conflicts within relationships and families as we identify individual traits. Recognizing and appreciating each other's core fears, desires, and behaviors fosters a more harmonious and supportive relationship and how to support or challenge them together. This is very complex for ourselves, let alone within a relationship with other family members (kiddos, parents, or pets) and we need gentle regular conversations that may be uncomfortable but vital for the health of the relationship, with self, and our partners.

5. Establishing Realistic Expectations

Developing realistic expectations is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. This involves understanding each other's needs and wants, which evolve over time. Cultivating healthy romantic relationship expectations can help partners grow together and enjoy life more fully. In my eyes, your romantic partner never wants to be your parent or controller. You have no control over them, therefore we can accept walking through life focusing on our own health and well being and supporting connection and closeness with those who are ready and realistically open for it.

Many people do not want equal relationships because they never observed them in their family of origin, navigated them before them selves, and like having their control and caregiving roles. Many others feel disempowered but have deeper feelings of abandonment therefore they sacrifice themselves and find other distractions (i.e. substances, overworking, overdoing something wreckless or potentially unsafe).

If the equation doesn’t make sense to the individual, they will go towards wanting equality in all aspects of life, and start taking back their control in caregiving or critical ways, this will eventually impact the relationship satisfaction or trajectory if realistic expectations are not established regularly and checked in on regularly.

6. Practicing the Five C's of Healthy Relationships

• Communication: Open and honest dialogue about feelings and needs. Every chance you can

• Compatibility: Shared interests and values build

• Commitment: Dedication to the relationship and each other.

• Care: Demonstrating empathy and consideration.

• Compromise: Finding middle ground during disagreements. Negotiating between both needs and wants.

  Seeking Professional Support When Needed along the journey is encouraged to help keep the relationship healthy and equal.

As always, I’m here! You know this and if I cannot be of help due to a conflict in interest or not appropriate match, I have an arsenal of colleagues to recommend! Engaging in couples therapy can be beneficial for addressing challenges and enhancing relationship satisfaction for a multitude of reasons. Finding an appropriate fit for both parties in your local area really does allow for more emotional safety. Approaches like Gottman Method Couples, Emotionally Focused Coaching, Internal Family Systems, Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy have shown effectiveness in helping couples improve their relationships with clear, evidenced based strategies that meet you

By embracing these strategies, couples can foster a resilient and fulfilling romantic relationship, adapting to the evolving to each other’s stages in life- transitions, births, deaths, jobs, health, illness, or happiness.