Rewire Your Reward System And Move Beyond Escapism
When you get to the end of a long day, what’s the first thing you reach for? Your phone? A sugary treat? A case of beer? Are there fifteen tabs open on your laptop– each with a shopping cart full of “treats”? What about your weekends? Are you one of those people who just can’t stand to ever leave work behind? Would you believe me if I told you that all of these instincts things stem from the same brain impulse? Read on!
Let's chat today about something we all experience: intense yearning for a dopamine rush. We've all reached for that extra slice of cake after a tough day, or scrolled through social media for "just a few minutes" that turn into an hour (I’ve totally been there!). These instant gratification habits can be comforting, but they can leave us feeling drained, unfulfilled, and even guilty. So, what's the deal with our brains and these escape/reward patterns?
The science behind it is really fascinating. Our brains have a built-in reward system, and when we engage in activities we enjoy, like eating delicious food or getting likes on social media, it releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter that makes us feel good. This positive reinforcement naturally pushes us to repeat those behaviors. However, chronic stress and unhealed childhood attachment wounds can make us dependent on those cheap, instantaneous dopamine hits, leading to unhealthy escape patterns. Think mindlessly scrolling through social media to avoid a looming deadline, or relying on sugary snacks to cope with perceived rejection from a friend or coworker.
Here's the thing: these escape patterns might feel good in the short term, but they often leave us feeling worse in the long run. They can distract us from dealing with underlying issues and prevent us from developing healthier coping mechanisms. So, how can we identify if our reward system is off-balance?
Identifying Unhealthy Escape/Reward Patterns:
Do you use certain activities to numb out difficult emotions? (Think endless scrolling to avoid a tough conversation)
Do you feel anxious or guilty after indulging in these behaviors? (Like the post-sugar crash slump, or the late-night, post-social-media-binge regret-storm)
Do these patterns interfere with your daily life or goals? (Feeling restless and unproductive unless you are frantically busy all the time, an inability to stick to healthy eating and sleeping habits– just to name a few examples!)
If you recognize yourself in some of these points, don't worry, you're not alone! The good news is, we can retrain our brains and build a healthier relationship with rewards.
Rewiring Your Brain for Resilience:
One powerful tool is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT helps us identify negative thought patterns that fuel unhealthy behaviors. By challenging these thoughts and developing more helpful coping mechanisms, we can break free from the cycle of escape and build resilience. CBT also helps reinforce HEALTHY thoughts and behaviors and can be a great resource for maximizing the effects of the work you’re putting in.
Another part of this journey is learning to use healthy brain habits. Instead of relying on temporary fixes that feel good in the moment, let's focus on activities that promote long-term well-being. Outside time, real connection with friends and loved ones, using your creative muscles (outside of work!), and taking time for mindfulness, meditation, and grounding (these things get your body involved in the process!).
When you first start working on these healthier reward habits, it may feel like it takes a LOT of energy, and you may be tempted to fall back into the easier, more familiar patterns. Instant dopamine is hard to replace! But in the long run, your brain needs these activities the same way your body needs protein and vitamins. Your sense of well-being really can’t be maintained on a diet of social media, binge shopping, or mindless sex any more than your physical body can live on sugar.
Rewiring your reward system is going to take time. And lots of hard work. Be patient with yourself and celebrate every step forward. Get a support team (therapist!) around you and be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Be ready for progress that looks like “two steps forward, one step back”-- that’s still progress!
