Healing Your "Trust Issues": Moving Beyond Trauma-Induced Doubts and Insecurities
All right, this week we’re continuing our exploration of the long-term effects of unresolved childhood trauma. If you haven’t been following along, I highly recommend that you check out my previous articles that looked at pervasive and persistent core beliefs such as: "I'm only valuable when I serve others," or the fear that voicing your emotions invites rejection. We explored the origins of these thoughts as well as feelings of self-blame, learned helplessness, and a pervasive sense of impermanence.
Today, we unravel two more interconnected threads: "I can't trust myself" and "I can’t trust that good things will last." These deeply ingrained beliefs can leave us feeling insecure, doubting our choices, and hesitant to expect or embrace happiness. Let's delve into the origins of these beliefs and work toward reclaiming trust, both in ourselves and the world around us.
The Fragile Foundation of Self-Trust:
Many who bear the scars of childhood trauma grapple with an underlying belief in their basic “untrustworthiness”. This stems from an environment lacking in predictability, stability, or even safety. Unpredictable responses, neglect, or abuse can erode the delicate scaffolding of self-worth and agency that should be built in early childhood.
Imagine a developing child constantly navigating unpredictability; their attempts at autonomy met with distrust and censure, their emotions dismissed, their needs unmet. This lack of a safe and nurturing environment disrupts the development of a core belief in themselves as competent, lovable, and worthy. In their adult selves, this manifests as an inability to trust their own instincts, decisions, and even their emotional responses. They might engage in constant second-guessing, seek excessive reassurance from others (people-pleasing!), or withdraw from situations or relationships, fearing failure or rejection.
The Ever-Present Shadow of Impermanence:
The fear that "good things can't last" often stems from the same foundation of instability. When a child experiences unpredictable happiness, affection, or security in their environment and in their adults and caregivers, they develop a hypervigilance for the inevitable crash. Over time, this creates a persistent fear that any positive experience is inherently temporary, waiting to be snatched away.
Individuals carrying this belief might find themselves sabotaging relationships, pushing away good things before they can be lost, or constantly expecting the other shoe to drop. This habit gives the illusion of some level of control over their circumstances and a slightly macabre sense of stability. They may feel that at least this way, they’ll know when the crash is coming and then they can be prepared for the disaster. Can you just imagine how this way of coping with the unknown can prevent them from fully embracing any experience of joy and connection? Does this sound familiar to you? Did you, too, learn early to expect disappointment and unmet needs?
Breaking the Cycle: Reclaiming Trust and Embracing Joy:
Healing from these deeply ingrained beliefs requires a multifaceted approach. Therapy provides a safe space to explore the roots of distrust, understand the impact of past experiences, and work towards developing healthier cognitive patterns.
Here are some key steps on the path to healing:
Mindfulness: Becoming attuned to the "Can't Trust" narratives present in your thoughts and actions.
Reframing Thought Patterns: Challenging negative beliefs with evidence from your present experiences.
Celebrating Victories: Acknowledging and celebrating your achievements, big and small, to build self-confidence.
Developing Healthy Boundaries: Learning to say "no" and prioritize your own needs.
Seeking Support: Joining therapy groups or connecting with supportive individuals who understand your struggles
Remember, healing is a journey, not a destination. There will be setbacks and challenges along the way, but with patience, self-compassion, and the right support, you can provide your inner child with the loving and safe re-parenting you need and deserve. You can reclaim your capacity for self-belief and the courage to embrace joy. You are worthy of trust, both from yourself and from others.
Here are some resources to get you started:
Gottman Institute: You can find valuable information on relationships and therapy at the Gottman Institute website.
APA (American Psychological Association): For psychology-related content and research, the APA website is a trusted resource.
NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness): To access information on mental health and support, visit the NAMI website.
Columbia University: For academic resources and research from Columbia University, explore their official website.
Harvard University: Harvard University offers a wealth of educational content on its website.
Stanford University: Stanford University's website provides access to research and educational materials.
NASW (National Association of Social Workers): To find resources related to social work, visit the NASW website.
EMDR International Association: For information on EMDR therapy, you can visit the EMDR International Association website.
IFS (Internal Family Systems): Explore resources on IFS therapy at the IFS Institute website.
FDA (Food and Drug Administration): For healthcare regulations and information, visit the FDA website.
DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration): Access information on drug enforcement policies at the DEA website.
