Happy Father’s Day, Single Moms!
I know this day is usually reserved for Dads– whether we are celebrating them, mourning them, dealing with their absence or abuse, or contemplating how to be the dad you want to be, BUT. Today I thought I would turn that upside down for a minute and address single moms. The parents who are doing their best to be BOTH Mom and Dad to their little ones. I want to encourage you, celebrate your efforts, and give you a few little tips for getting through this holiday with your child– especially if they are a little too young to fully grasp the situation. I was inspired by this post. (which is an excellent read– go check it out!)
First, I just want to take a minute and acknowledge you. Hold space for you here on my blog. I see the strength it takes to raise your children with fierce love and unwavering dedication. I see the mixed emotions that Father's Day can bring: reminders of a missing puzzle piece in your family dynamic, questions from your kids about what this day means for them, and possibly even a sense of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Processing Your Emotions
It's completely understandable if Father's Day stirs up a mix of emotions within you. You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, or shame. You might need to take some time to grieve that your family doesn’t look the way you thought it would, and that is ok. Each of these emotions is acceptable and deserves respect and acknowledgment.
But the reality is that what your children need most, you ARE providing for them. Food, water, and shelter: of course, you are providing for their physical needs. But also Stability. Presence. Affection. You are giving them all these things, too. You are doing an incredibly difficult job, and you are doing it well. Just remember that, too.
Creating a Positive Narrative for Your Children
But now let’s get practical. This holiday is going to come around every year– how are you going to deal with it? How are you going to frame the conversation around the observance of Father’s Day for your kids? I want to encourage you to approach this with positivity. Be honest with yourself about your negative emotions, but then get yourself into a positive mindset to interact with your kids. Here are a few strategies to help create a safe and positive space for them to experience Father’s Day with you.
1. Validate Your Child's Emotions.
It's okay for your child to feel sad, angry, or confused about their father's absence. Listen actively without judgment and let them know it's not their fault. Phrases like, "It's okay to feel sad that Dad isn't here today," or "You have every right to be confused," can go a long way. Don’t feel like you have to have answers or solutions, just be ready to listen.
2. Reframe the Day.
Father's Day doesn't have to be solely about dads. Talk to your kids about Father Energy and identify the people in their lives who provide that. Do your children have a relationship with an uncle, grandfather, coach, or mentor that represents Father Energy? Plan an activity with them, or create a special card expressing gratitude. It’s a great lesson for your kids to see that they have a larger community of care around them.
3. Focus on the Positive.
This might seem counterintuitive, but it's important to help your child find something positive about their biological father, even if he's not around. Maybe it's his sense of humor, his athleticism, or his love for music. Focusing on these positive aspects can help your child feel a sense of connection, even from a distance.
4. Create New Traditions.
Father's Day doesn't have to be a day of longing. Start a new tradition with your child! Go on a fun outing, have a movie marathon with their favorite snacks, or do a volunteer activity together. Create new memories that celebrate your unique bond. Think outside the box and reclaim this day for yourselves.
Celebrating Your Strength
Father's Day can also be an opportunity for you to celebrate your own incredible strength. You are a superhero, mama! You wear countless hats, providing love, support, and guidance for your children. Take a moment to acknowledge all that you do.
Here are some self-care tips for single moms on Father's Day (and every day!):
Treat yourself. Plan a relaxing activity, whether it's a bubble bath, reading a good book, or enjoying a quiet cup of coffee.
Connect with your support system. Surround yourself with friends and family who uplift and empower you.
Practice mindfulness. Meditation, yoga, or even spending time in nature can help you de-stress and find inner peace.
Remember, you are not alone in this journey. There's a whole community of strong, resilient single moms out there. Let's support each other and celebrate the incredible families we are building.
Sending you all my love and positive vibes!
