Connecting During the 2024 Holidays

Navigating the holiday season in a relationship where there are both mental health challenges and polar political differences requires a thoughtful, balanced approach. The holidays can be emotionally intense for a multitude of reasons, and the combination of mental health struggles and politically polarized views in 2024 can make these times even more challenging during the holiday seasons. To address the socializing events, as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I recommend these relationship evidence-based strategies to help!

1. Set Boundaries with Compassion

If one or more partners are experiencing mental health challenges (e.g., depression, anxiety, trauma, or substance or behavioral dependencies), it's important to acknowledge and respect everyone’s emotional needs. Boundaries may include limiting stressful social interactions, taking breaks during family gatherings, or choosing not to engage in certain conversations and that’s ok! Agreeing ahead of time, that all will try to avoid political discussions or setting specific times to talk about politics (e.g., after the holiday season) can reduce tension and secondary stress during already stressful time. Recognize that discussions on polarizing topics may not be productive and could exacerbate stress during this time for many. Explain why these boundaries are necessary for your mental well-being and to remain connected. This is crucial in maintaining a sense of respect and understanding with loved ones and friends.

2. Practice Active Listening and Validation

Active listening is key when supporting anyone who is struggling. Instead of offering solutions, try to listen empathetically and validate their feelings. For example, "I hear you’re feeling overwhelmed, and that sounds tough. How can I help?" When political discussions do occur, strive to listen to your partner or loved ones perspective without interrupting or dismissing their views. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing, but recognizing their feelings and views are valid, just as much as yours.

3. Manage Expectations

The holidays often come with societal pressure to be joyful, excessive, festive, and together with everyone. For those with mental health struggles, this can add unnecessary stress and disruptions to routines that help with keeping them stable. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and your partner (e.g., managing social events or limiting time spent on activities that feel draining) can reduce disappointment or anxiety for all involved. Acknowledge that the holidays might not look "perfect" due to political differences and that is also ok. Focus on shared values or experiences that go beyond political & financial views, such as family traditions, children or elderly members of the family, or common hobbies.

4. Foster Connection Beyond Politics

Find ways to connect with your partner beyond political or mental health struggles by taking movement and self care breaks frequently. Focus on shared experiences or activities that bring you joy, such as cooking together, watching a favorite movie, or doing holiday crafts. This helps reinforce a sense of togetherness despite differences. Respecting that some people struggle with holidays secondary to grief and overwhelm allows compassion and forgiveness to do things a bit differently.

5. Emotional Regulation Techniques

If either partner is prone to heightened emotional responses, such as due to anxiety or depression, incorporating stress-reducing practices can be helpful. These might include mindfulness exercises, breathing techniques, or taking short breaks when emotions run high. Playing games that are fun and distracting always help with emotional regulation.

If political conversations are unavoidable, use techniques for emotional regulation, such as pausing before responding or reframing the conversation to avoid escalation. We all are trying our best and some of us enjoy to debate and explain their side to others so they can feel rational and justified for their choices. If you sense the conversation is going nowhere, it’s okay to disengage with a neutral statement like, "I respect your opinion, but I think we should agree to disagree for now."

6. Seek Support When Needed

If mental health issues become overwhelming during the holidays, it's important to seek support from a mental health professional. This could be a therapist or counselor who can help you and your partner manage stress and emotions during this challenging time. Sometimes these differences are fundamentally unsafe for family members and therefore they need to remove themselves from comforting family environments are declining in their mental health. You do not have to feel emotionally unsafe during the holidays with family gatherings, (i.e. political polarization, mentally unwell family members) consider working with a mediator or therapist who specializes in conflict resolution. They can help both partners develop healthier communication strategies when engaging in sensitive topics.

7. Create a Shared Ritual for Calm

Establish a holiday ritual that both partners can look forward to, one that promotes calm and togetherness. This might involve quiet moments together like morning walks, reading, or practicing gratitude. Some families feel calm doing extreme sports together, whatever your calm is - plan it as a connecting routine. This can serve as an emotional anchor during times of stress.

Make certain times or spaces in your home a "safe or free zone," where the focus is on personal connection rather than divisive topics. My personal favorite is yoga and meditation

8. Reframe the Holidays as a Time for Connection

Instead of focusing on the pressures of holiday traditions or the need to "perform," frame the holidays as an opportunity to connect and show love in ways that work for both partners. Emphasize quality time and meaningful interactions over external expectations.

9. Practice Self-Care

It’s essential for both partners to engage in self-care, especially when mental health struggles are involved. Encourage each other to take time for activities that recharge you, whether it’s getting rest, exercising, or engaging in a hobby. Self-care allows each person to maintain their well-being and gives the relationship a better foundation.

10. Be Patient and Flexible

Holiday plans may not always go smoothly, and that's okay. Flight delays, sickness, and political disagreements and or mental health struggles might take the spotlight at times, but flexibility and patience can help you navigate these moments with empathy and understanding. Remember you are here to observe and love your loved ones throughout the journey, not to control or caregive for them. Authentically connecting to self with compassion allows you to be loving and open to adjusting your approach as needed with healthy boundaries.

By focusing on mutual respect, empathy, and clear communication, you can create a holiday season that is mindful of both mental health and political differences. Maintaining flexibility and being kind to yourself and your partner can help you both thrive despite challenges. Remember you are in this together!